He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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