My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
