Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
