weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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