Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
