So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
