I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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