I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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