i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
