I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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