I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
