Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
