Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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