Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
