Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
