One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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