you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
