You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
