My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
