Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
