Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
