please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
