So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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