what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
