You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just had sex on a roof
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
