I hate all girls vehemently.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
