so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
