hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
