He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
