Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
