True but thats because hes a fetus.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
did i just pee glitter
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
