I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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