Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
