we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
