Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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