peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
