We won't sleep together?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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