We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
