i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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