I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
