respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
