actually, I'm a sock model
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
