Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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