3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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