who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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