the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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