I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
do nipples grow back?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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