The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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