She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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