I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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