dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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