I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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