you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
